Pregnancy Journal: Week 5

I thought it would be a good idea to journal this time (took me long enough to finally do this) each week along with the progress of my body. I've tried taking pictures of myself and I just hate the way they look but what the heck, like I'm really trying to impress any of you ladies ; ) It'll be neat, if for no one else but myself, to look back on later.
Something wonderful started today (ok...give or take a day); my baby's heart started beating. What started as two individual cells came together and have been busy growing and changing and now have formed a tiny little "shrimp" with a beating heart. This little one is approx. 0.05 of an inch and has a distinct head though most of the body is composed of the heart right now. The central nervous system begins to develop and my baby's brain and spinal cord start to form. The heart is beating my baby's own blood through tiny little blood vessels. The beginning of eyes and ears can be seen on the sides of the head and liver and kidneys are developing. Muscle and bone are also in the early stages of development.

The first symptom I had was out of no where weepiness. Twice in one day, something so benign brought me to tears. Without even seeing my chart I knew; implantation must have happened. Sure enough, a few days later, implantation was very clear on my chart. I started having symptoms the day after. My patience is starting to get shorter and my fatigue is worse than it has been in a while. I feel like a zombie. Nausea has started but it is brief and does not last long. I did come close to puking this morning while emptying the garbage. If I throw up, that is a great sign. I have only thrown up with two babies; Grace and Joshua. Who knew one could so look forward to tossing up their innereds all day long?
I went to the hospital today and got on Medicaid and Head Start (whatever that is). My first doctors appt. is next Wednesday. I had hoped to be able to get in this week (tomorrow would have been wonderful) but oh well. I just have to remember that there is nothing I can do to sustain this little one. If we are supposed to keep him/her we will no matter when I go to the doctor. All I can do is just take care of myself.
So here I am; tired and stuffed from a not-so-great dinner. I'm off to bed my friends. Check back next week to see how much more worse I get ; ) I can't believe how much I've already popped out!

A New Step In My Life

For years, I have been my mother's little helper (assistant) with her photography and I have also been her model. She has been photographing me since I was little all the way to my bridal portraits and now my children and family. It is now my turn to test the waters to see what my talent in this area is. So, my research and building has started. It is a slow process and I am having to borrow and make-shift things right now, but in the end I have gotten some beautiful pictures. I am looking forward to moving beyond just my children and into working with other people (though my children will always be my favorites) and pushing my comfort zones and seeing what I can come up with.

I will always have a passion for itty bitties. Newborns and infants by far are my favorite subjects but as my daughter steps into the toddler years, I am finding the joy in capturing her in the moment.

I also want to explore pregnant portraits. I want to do anything from shots out in nature all the way to nude black and whites. My mother actually did this at the end of my pregnancy with my daughter. It was a first for us both so most did not turn out well, but I did get a handful of priceless shots and it was a great learning experience.

An idea that grabbed my interest is nude shots of married couples. I at first wanted to focus on newly weds, to capture that glow and excitement, but I also think seasoned couples could really gain a lot personally from this moment together and to show the joy and excitement ALL through marriage.

So, my brain is teeming with ideas faster than I can keep up with. I'm going to have to find ways of being creative with backgrounds/back drops until I can actually buy equipment. Baby steps, though steps never-the-less.

Here are some pictures I took over the holidays.

My First Experience...

I went to a Pregnancy Test Center (part of the Save-A-Life East program) today. I need to get on Medicaid and to do so I had to have a certified statement of pregnancy and due date. To go to the doc-in-a-box was going to cost $30 just for the test. If it came back positive, there was a mandatory doctor visit of only....wait for it....$103 bucks on top of the pregnancy test! What the crap?!?!? I need Medicaid people! If I had that kind of money....well I called the Pregnancy Test Center and they got me right in and it was not at all like the "horror" stories I've heard told by pro-choicers. From the first phone conversation to the time I left, the women were fantastic. I told them I was not interested in seeing any anti-abortion video and they respected that. I did go back with the counselor and in our meeting I got to talk with her about my passion in this area. For the first time, I got to see in person those tiny models of fetal development from 7-12 weeks then a second trimester baby and a third trimester. Grace even played with the babies and was excited to see the little bitties. As I sat there holding these tiny babies, the reason for my passion against abortion was deepened. This 12 week old baby, fit perfectly in the palm of my hand and was fully developed. So many pro-choicers would see this little one and still support a woman's right to kill that baby. The 8 week old baby was the size of my thumb pad. I have known this for a long time but to hold it in my hand and to see those tiny little feet and little face and know that babies like this are killed daily made my heart heavy. I talked with the counselor for a long time. I have a lot of personal growing I still need to do before, but one day I want to do what she does. She shared the truth of life before birth, shared the love of Jesus with me and my whole was just amazing and a surprise. Had I been a scared girl/woman unsure of what to do, no doubt I would have felt the love and compassion that these two ladies had to give. The love of Christ is what we are called to share with the world. It was a wonderful time and another time to learn and grow.