Giving To His Children

Grace has her first favorite show; Elmo's World. We know this because she asks for it all of the time. John and I had been tossing around the idea of getting her a little Elmo but because of $$$ not coming in, we just haven't spent much money other than an occasional treat and the necessities. Joshua loves one of Grace's stuffed animals. It is a pink, soft, floppy "puppy D". He just grins and giggles when I toss it on him and ruffle it on his face and neck. So, while in Wal-Mart last night, I left John and Grace and took off to the toys to see if I could find a stuffed animal similar to Grace's "puppy D" (she loves it too and doesn't share it for long). Just as I'm looking at the Elmos that I know we really can't get Grace right now, John walks over with her. Elmo is blowing all kinds of kisses and her eyes are fixed and all lite up. My heart dropped to my stomach and us walking off was so hard for me knowing that she really wanted Elmo (she never threw a fit or even a whimper but that look of disappointment filled her little eyes). John looked at me and I him and we both knew that we just had to get it. I left the decision up to him and he gave the ok. Walking over and getting that Elmo (I got the one that blows kisses because Grace LOVES to kiss everything she likes....even my toes!) filled my heart with so much joy and then handing it to her and seeing her face light up and then her near non-stop kisses was all I needed to turn my heavy heart into a heart of joy. That thing was covered in slobber from all the kisses she gave him by the time we got home.

As we walked to the car, I felt God tugging at my heart again. My heart has been so heavy due to the job situation (well...lack thereof in this case) that we are in. We have wanted and wanted for so many years (7) now for John to have a teaching job and yet the doors close time and time again. All I can do is ask why over and over again. Scripture calls us God's children. So, it is natural for God to use how we feel for, love and see our children in comparison to how He feels toward us and how He sees and loves us. If what we experience in our hearts for our children is only a grain of sand in comparison to Him for us then....I am left speechless. So, if I love so much to give good things to my children and I take such delight in seeing them happy then how much more-so does God? But, there are times I have to tell (Grace for now) no and then other times, not right now. I don't like to, but she (and as Joshua gets older) can't have everything that is wanted or we will end up with a spoiled brat to deal with. On the same page, God has to tell us no sometimes or not yet. It is not easy being that child who wants something so much but has to leave the "store" empty handed. But, as Grace didn't throw a fit neither can I. I may not understand, just like she can't understand the reasons, but I have to obey and know that He still loves me (and us) and has His plan in place. I don't know if God has said no or just not yet, but either way it is still so so hard. But, just as I take joy in seeing my children happy, so does God. He will never do anything to cause us harm. He has our best interest in mind.